Friday, December 4, 2015

So much for the afterglow

So it's been years since I've written. I doubt anyone will see this and that's OK. I'm going through some major life changes and I really needed somewhere more private then Facebook to write about what's going on and what I'm feeling.
My failures and my wins all the things I'm going to put least for now.
My grammer is terrible and I'm also fine with that.

I'll just dive right in for
The last few years...or say like 5 years I've been a drinker. Not usually a heavy drinker always but I drank a bit nonetheless. The last 2 or so years it's increased dramatically. The past 6 months it's become such a problem that the love of my life finally left me 6 weeks ago and I've been in a fucking gigantic turmoil ever since. I've spent day after day either being entirely drunk or waiting impatiently to get out of work so I could get completely obliterated and forget how terrible I felt. I've fucked up friendships, I've destroyed relationships, I've lied and made excuses so I could stay at home and get drunk alone guilt free. I've been so ashamed, filled with crippling anxiety and fucking stricken with guilt and yet I still couldn't stop.
Finally this past Sunday I had a world class horrible night. Finally talked to my ex, cried my heart out, thought I was going to cave into my grief, just completely lost it. Woke up the next morning and realized enough is enough. I needed to pull my head out of my ass and get my life back on track.

I haven't been drunk since that night, it'll be a week tomorrow which is a pretty huge deal for me. I still think about it nonstop of course and I definitely didn't think it'd be quite this hard to quit.

It's late and I have work so I will abruptly end this and go attempt to sleep.
More tomorrow.

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