here comes the bride

Every once in a blue moon I really feel like it would be nice to be married, you know the whole white picket fence package. This is clearly during the once of month Kelley is delusional time. I never was one of those kids who dreamed of getting married from a young age. I always would rather be outside climbing trees or going fishing. As Ive gotten older I do look sometimes at couples with envy and wish I could be in that position. I guess it'll all happen when the time is right.

Speaking of marriages one of my good friends just got married on April 2. I didn't get to go to the wedding actually but now that I've seen the pictures I am blown away by who perfectly cute they are. Am I right or am I right??!!

She is so precious and I am so darn happy for her. They are the perfect couple. And I wish them all the happiness in the world. Live long and prosper guys!

Ive got the fever

I have baby fever so bad right now. My dear friend Jenny had her first child on Friday finally!! Her name is Aubrey and shes so perfect!! I haven't gotten to meet her yet but I can't until I get to.
I get so emotional when I see/think/hear about babies lately. I dont know what my problem is! I just love them so much. I know I am not ready to have a kid and I wouldn't even want to have one of my own right now but that doesn't mean I cant obsess a little.

There is a horrible grainy picture of her. I only have one and its from my phone so it doesn't like being blown up too much. As soon as I meet her I will definitely be posting more so everyone can fawn over her cute face.

Merry Eastermas

Today is a day full of family and food, my two favorite things. Keep in mind I am not religious and don't actually believe in Easter but I do love my family and I do love to put foods into my belly. I am the only non-religious one in the house so sometimes it gets kinda weird but I deal with it.
Me and my mom are scrambling to get everything made and warmed up enough before people start getting here at 12:30. I love this part, its fun to half stress about getting this finished.

I had a lot of fun with Jess last night. We ate delicious spaghetti and watched movies, as per usual. I am trying to plan a secret surprise hangout for him for the next time I'm off work. We prolly spend too much time together but I think I am ok with this.

How are you guys spending the day?

Go with the flow

I am a quirky kid. I have never liked to go with what everyone else is doing at any given time. Its funny how as soon as I get into a style or an activity it seems like a bunch of people step on the bandwagon. As soon as this happens I without fail wanna turn the other direction and do something else. It gets kind of irritating but what can you do huh?!

Anyways this week at work went pretty well. I actually for the most part got tips and most of my clients were really nice. A few days ago I booked an appointment with a Mexican lady to get a facial...she didnt speak good English but I thought she understood when to come back and what was happening. I was of course wrong. She got there almost an hour late and thought she was going to be getting a pedicure with her boyfriend and then getting a facial. We only have one nail tech so that was impossible to begin with. Eventually she had to reschedule and I let my coworker do her facial since she was frustrating me. She didn't tip so Im glad I did that hah.

Tomorrow is easter, the first one without my grams. Its weird having holidays without her. My gramps and a few other people are coming over but theres no huge family gathering like normal. What are you guys doing for easter...if you celebrate it that is?

Days go by

I have been in a really good mood the past few days. Actually pretty much this whole week. Its a very nice change. Life seems like it's looking up. FINALLY!!

Lately Ive been revisiting my childhood by watching a lot of Disney movies. I dont know if Jess is really too into this new phase but I sure am. A ton of good memories come up from watching these. I ordered The rats of NIHM the other day on Netflix, I had forgotten how cute that movie is. Do you guys like Netflix? I kind of hate it most of the time. Its so slow and doesn't really have the best movie selection in the world (Dexter is still missing for some odd reason) I really miss going to the video store and having to get VHS. What happened to the good old days, everything is too convenient these days.

I also have been crafting it up by cutting my old shirts and hoodies into v-necks and tank tops. I gotta get the old sewing machine out and start making things a little more complicated then scissors can do alone. I want to start actually making some clothes. I really enjoy it weirdly. I need some customization in my clothing choices.  Ive been drawing a ton more and making collages, maybe Ill post pictures. I'm kinda shy to. It feels good to be creative.

Since the weather has been so much nicer I, like everyone else have been fiending to get outside as much as I can. I'm trying to plan some hiking and fishing trips. I am not too sure where to go. My gramps and I used to go fishing all the time. I really miss those times. I miss times all the time.

My job can get pretty weird at time, Ive got to start writing about that every day. Like today for instance my first two clients were drunk and ended up passing out mid service. They had to keep getting up to pee and one of them tried to cover it up by saying she had a lot of water. NO I wasnt born yesterday, YOU DRUNK!!!

I guess that is all for tonight, I keep saying I am going to get more consistent but I am no good at that. Sorry my friends.

When it rains it pours

Hey yall,

I can already tell this week is going to be one of the weeks where everything goes wrong. Its only Tuesday and several things have happened. The worst being, yesterday my brother got in a pretty bad wreck. His car was totaled and he was sent to the hospital. He is ok thankfully just some bruised ribs but goodness was it scary. I know I talk smack about him alot but he is my little brother after all.

We dont know yet whose fault it was. Not to be horrible but I am hoping bad that it was not my brothers. We are mad broke right now and I dont know how we could pay for all this. Worrying about money is no good.

But to change the subject to something more happy, I got a portrait of my grandparents tattooed on my back by Rachel Merrit at Emperor Tattoo. It seriously looks amazing. I am so proud of it. I am afraid to show my gramps though cause what if he thinks its stupid or doesnt look correct. I should post the original to show how close they look. It really is amazing how close it looks. I love my grandparents so much, Im glad a piece of them will always be on me.

Life

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed by change. Life is constant change every single day. Its funny how it seems like just yesterday I was 18 and thinking man I have forever till I am 20, now I only have a few months until I am 21! That is so scary to me. I have never been interested in growing up, if I could go live like Peter Pan I would in an instant. I feel like I will instantly have to be an adult when I never really got to be a kid in the first place.
In the past 6 months my life has radically changed. I graduated school, quit going to Rocketown, which had always been my home away from home, stopped hanging out with pretty much everyone, quit drinking for the most part, quit smoking, and just started focusing on what I thought I was supposed to be. Ive been finding out all its really left me with is a huge gaping hole in my chest where all my old habits used to live. I should be feeling better about myself by now shouldn't I?
The thing is, I miss Rocketown with my whole heart, I miss my friends I miss that whole life so bad I can taste it. BUT I realize that things have changed so much that I don't think I could just go back and be happy. I dont really think I ever was as accepted as I wanted to be, I am just too odd of a bird. Plus with the hole drama going on there with them wanting to make it a completely "Christian" venue just wont fly with me. I do not believe in that kind of bulllonie at all.
Also with the friend bit I am not really into drinking/smoking like I used to be so parties and bars are out and thats pretty much all my old friends do. I prefer to watch movies, go to the park, be creative etc... It kinda makes me sad that our friendships didnt last once I decided to quit all that. I guess they were only fair weather in the first place. I keep hearing I am better off but this is hard to stomach at times.

Im not trying to complain just vent really about it all. Where do I go from here? When will my heart mend? Will that hole really close? Where in the world do I find new friends? Rocketown kinda screwed me for that. I dont know how to find them if its not at a venue. Where do I belong? What do I do with my time now?

These are all questions that I know everyone all over has asked at one time or another but are the answers ever found?
One thing is for sure I think I need to volunteer somewhere again. It definitely has to be at a place where my time is actually helping people not just helping the business by getting them free work. I wont play that game again. Give me ideas??!!

Weekenderzzz

This weekend has been pretty busy for me. My weekend doesn't start until Saturday afternoon but I got to leave early this week. Its been so hot lately Im beginning to think that from now on Tennessee will have 2 seasons, spring and summer. What happened to the spring? Please come back!!
All I wanted to do on Saturday was swim or go find a cave to crawl in and chill out. I went home, Jess came and got me so we could go walk at the park then I got tempted with delicious burger so I went back home and put them in my stomach. I dont know if I am biased or what but my parents can throw down on some burgers. It tasted like manna. Ok Im calming down now. After this me and Jess went to his house so he could eat some more foods such as steak, potatoes and MACARONI AND CHEESE!!! Dear universe can we take a minute to talk about the fact that you are trying to make me into the size of a whale!!!??
We also watched Life as we know it. This was a really great movie. It made me tear up a little. I really am turning into a girl. Maybe we also drank some vodka maybe not. Who am I to say.
Sunday I got my thigh piece colored in finally. Im not sure how I like it so far actually. The coloring really isnt my style but Im sure it will grow on me.
Monday I had a job interview at Ulta which is a makeup store. I got the job actually which is awesome but I dont know if its really worth it. I would have to move to the Boro which is rad since its a college town rent there is pretty cheap. I would get more money hourly and I wouldn't have to deal with never getting benefits but also if I move Ill be an hour away from Nashville and I dont know if I really want to do that. After this interview me and Jess went to Qdoba which may be my favorite place to stuff my face in the world. Then we walked around the park until it was time for his tattoo appointment. He was getting his chest finished. I also made plans to get some more work done next Monday. Pretty exciting. I havent been able to get consistently tattooed in a long time so its nice. Eventually we went back to his house watched movies as usual and passed out.
Today I had to go to Franklin to drop off some resumes and since then Ive been cleaning and organizing my room. I found a ton of stuff from the olden days of going to shows and high school. If anyone saw most of it I would be so embarrassed. I used to write a lot of poetry and stories most of them are terrible terrible terrible. Why did I ever think I could write well. I saved some of the things though for later on maybe when I get older and want to see what I did when I was younger.
Tomorrow is a new work week and hopefully a new job will be coming soon. I am terrible at staying at jobs for long these days.

Hi HI HI HI

GUYS!!!!

I know I havent posted in a few days as usual its  because I am lazy and also because my life isn't always very entertaining. Also on some days I cant remember how to spell good and I give up on typing because reading just seems too hard for me to concentrate on.

On Tuesday I did get my hair done by a profesh for the first time in years. I was terrified. But amazingly it looks ok. I got highlights....I am turning into a real girl I fear. I also got to eat lunch with a few of my lady friends I went to Paul Mitchell with. We ate at the Farmers Market, I had tamales and rice...I eat my weight in rice everyday I think. I really should of been born Asian like my cousins.

Today was not my day!! I got a ticket for speeding because I was passing this moron who was riding his breaks. I can not stand people who cant drive, it makes my blood boil and some people actually need to get to work on time so I sped up and got nabbed. God Dang It! Upset!!!

Yesterday I worked my butt off doing a Tammy Anderson DVD and HELLO I am so sore. Shes a fitness coach to celebs like the Kardashians so I figured if it works for them it will work for me. I love to work out even though you prolly cant tell by looking at my body. I am really tall for a girl but not overly fit. I am trying to change this fact. Dont worry Tammy we will be seeing a lot of each other in the near future....like as soon as I am finished writing this post. Really I should of already worked out today but sometimes I get lazy and procrastinate.

Also my brother is one of those people that thinks he can sing really well but he is actually completely tone deaf. He is outside my door right now "singing"...my ears may start bleeding here soon. I give permission for one of you guys to save me. I cant sing but at least I admit to it, he really honestly thinks he has a great voice but it kinda reminds me of if Rebecca Black were a boy. And why he must do it outside my door when he has the whole rest of the house is beyond me.

Last night I made dinner for myself. It was very complicated dont worry I wrote down the recipe.
Make Rice
Make corn
Open Can of Tuna
Mix all together
Add Cheese
Taste
Add Cheese

I also ate this for lunch today. Believe me when I say it is for champions only. Its is so good if you arent prepared properly then you may explode with greatness. You may also add pasta in the mix as well, do not fear this meal is also very healthy...I promise!

This is all!! If I never post again it is simply because my brothers horrible singing burned my brain to a crisp.

artsy fartsy

I have been on a bit of an etsy bender lately, combing shops for anything that catches my eye. Ive mostly been into paintings, prints, animal heads, things I can hangup. I have never really been into knick-nacks as I hate clutter and things just lying around.
I came across an artist Arian Armstrong...she makes really cute drawings and sells prints and post cards. Go ahead and take a look at her store I know you want to. I had to buy some so I got her Under the Weather and Mr.&Mrs. Beaver prints. It gave me an excuse to get out of the house to find some frames. I think they look pretty good on my wall.

 I will definitely be buying from her again as not only is the quality really good but they got to me maybe two days later. Everyone hates waiting so the quicker the better!! I also finally got a frame for my limited edition Underoath poster. Yes they are my favorite band go ahead and judge me haha. Ive got a whole lot more stores bookmarked and will update as I end up buying more art for my lonely walls.
I also fell in love with tons of pieces from Tara and Moanas collection but as they are in Australia I can't really afford to buy anything from them. Sad Sad!! I love how they use various layers to make an incredible picture. If I could I would buy most of them and hang them in every space I have. This one is my favorite one!! How cute is that!!

Since Ive been in such a creative mood lately Ive been compiling more ideas for tattoos and putting them in a folder. Its about time I go get some work done. My arms are itching to be filled up. Maybe I should do a ink post but I always feel so silly when I take pictures of my work.
Anyways Im off to spend the day with my Thornado, maybe we will go to the park.

Today

When I was 17 I got sent 1000 miles away to live in a group home. Its a long story and I don't really want to explain it on here but the short end is I fought my way through and made it back to TN ahead of schedule. The last 3 years I have spent trying my best to get over what I went through and I thought that, besides a few flashbacks here and there, I was well and over it. Last week someone who was connected to the group home came to my work...the first time I have seen anyone that even knew that place existed and I had to see him at work where I could not escape. I really didn't think it would effect me like it has but I can not get the memories out of my head. This past week my mind has been playing a reel over and over and over. It feels so strange really. Back then I carefully blocked it all out thinking if I couldn't remember big chunks of my life I would get over it quicker...but Im remembering things now. Sorry to not be light and cheerful but I am kind of a wreck currently. I wish I had someone who knows what Im talking about to chat with. No one here can possibly understand. My poor little brain is confused and when I can sleep I have these crazy dreams that seem so real.
Have any of yall gone through something crazy hard??