Thursday, April 14, 2011


Sometimes I get really overwhelmed by change. Life is constant change every single day. Its funny how it seems like just yesterday I was 18 and thinking man I have forever till I am 20, now I only have a few months until I am 21! That is so scary to me. I have never been interested in growing up, if I could go live like Peter Pan I would in an instant. I feel like I will instantly have to be an adult when I never really got to be a kid in the first place.
In the past 6 months my life has radically changed. I graduated school, quit going to Rocketown, which had always been my home away from home, stopped hanging out with pretty much everyone, quit drinking for the most part, quit smoking, and just started focusing on what I thought I was supposed to be. Ive been finding out all its really left me with is a huge gaping hole in my chest where all my old habits used to live. I should be feeling better about myself by now shouldn't I?
The thing is, I miss Rocketown with my whole heart, I miss my friends I miss that whole life so bad I can taste it. BUT I realize that things have changed so much that I don't think I could just go back and be happy. I dont really think I ever was as accepted as I wanted to be, I am just too odd of a bird. Plus with the hole drama going on there with them wanting to make it a completely "Christian" venue just wont fly with me. I do not believe in that kind of bulllonie at all.
Also with the friend bit I am not really into drinking/smoking like I used to be so parties and bars are out and thats pretty much all my old friends do. I prefer to watch movies, go to the park, be creative etc... It kinda makes me sad that our friendships didnt last once I decided to quit all that. I guess they were only fair weather in the first place. I keep hearing I am better off but this is hard to stomach at times.

Im not trying to complain just vent really about it all. Where do I go from here? When will my heart mend? Will that hole really close? Where in the world do I find new friends? Rocketown kinda screwed me for that. I dont know how to find them if its not at a venue. Where do I belong? What do I do with my time now?

These are all questions that I know everyone all over has asked at one time or another but are the answers ever found?
One thing is for sure I think I need to volunteer somewhere again. It definitely has to be at a place where my time is actually helping people not just helping the business by getting them free work. I wont play that game again. Give me ideas??!!

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